i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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