Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
