I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
