Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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