he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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