I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
