The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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