he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
