I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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