If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
