Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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