I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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