The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
