hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
