If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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