I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Girls should come with a carfax report
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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