Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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