After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
