her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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