She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
