I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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