do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Randomize
