I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
