Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
