The brown eye won't let me do that either.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
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I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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