is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
