Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize