I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
