You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
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my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
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Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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