If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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