hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize