As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize