i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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