did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
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