I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
