Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Couch. On fire.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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