So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
