Well douche your snatch and let's go!
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
