I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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