I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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