So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.