ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
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This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.