Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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