So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
