so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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