i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
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