Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
