hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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