I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
