Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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