hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
