I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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