Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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