just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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