Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
