I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize