He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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