hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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