So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
