i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
