I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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