I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
