Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
