Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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