I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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