i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
