I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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