You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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