I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
