So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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