Little spoons don't ask big questions
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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