The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
