so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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