So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
