so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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