I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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