WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
